I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
