I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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