woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize