now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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