Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
