end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
