um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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