I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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