Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
