On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
