so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
