Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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