the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
