My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
