At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
