So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
