I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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