It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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