are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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