I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
