You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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