I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
