Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
