I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
