he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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