Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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