This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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