from now on my penis is your penis
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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