why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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