Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
