he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
