Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
