If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
