i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
