1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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