i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
