Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
