We're facebook friends in real life
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
