So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
