i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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