dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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