My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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