omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
