i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
