Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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