Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
