whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
