this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
