mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
