oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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