2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
