It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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