I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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