RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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