I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
