I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
that's an acceptable place to lick
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
