You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
