if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
