I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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