I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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