Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
