I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
