You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
