Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Let's get the cat blown out
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
