my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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