Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
