You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dick very happy bro
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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