You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
