This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
